Whose the Money Person in your Family?

When Jacob and I were engaged, he let me start peeking at his finances.

By this I mean that he gave me all his passwords, and I fed my number hungry braincells on his entire financial situation. Student loans? Credit Cards? APRs? Spending habits? I wanted to know all of it.

We lived in Los Angeles at the time, and we made very little money. I was a private tutor who was about to start a Master's degree in English Literature (chaching! -_-) and he was an assistant in a film production company. I think he made around five hundred dollars a week. Money was tight and student loans were abounding, so we needed to get our financial plan on lockdown.

As I scrutinized his credit card statement, I stumbled on a $643 charge from some kind of online auto parts store. I didn't know anything about this expense, so I asked Jacob about it. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Do you know anything about a $643 charge at Autoparts.com?

Jacob: Hmm. Can't remember.

Me: You don't have a car.

Jacob: Yeah. Hmmm. Maybe?

Me: Last week. Six HUNDRED dollars on parts for a car you don't have?

Jacob: Yeah. Sounds fishy, huh?

I knew Jacob and I had different money approaches, but this one shook me up. His credit card number had been stolen, and he might have paid it off without blinking.

So from that day forward I took the financial reigns in the family. In taxes and in refunds. In medical insurance claims and retirement accounts. It's mostly an OK set up. He makes most of our money, I dole it out as I see fit and sit on the rest. I try to make him stress about our money; he tries to loosen me up. He insists we go on vacation; I insist we max out our IRAs. From speaking with other couples, I've gathered that marriages often divide themselves into the spender and the saver.

A good friend of mine has the opposite situation: she is the spender and her husband is the saver. They were having a lot of financial tension until her husband decided it was her turn to handle all the finances. After a few months, she happily handed the responsibility back, but she had a much better perspective on their situation and was able to help find ways to compromise their financial incompatibility.

Who does the money in your marriage?